My Experience with Anxiety

anxiety blog

My Journey With Anxiety: The Birth of Mellow Anxiety Relief

Hey there Mellow Blog readers! My name is Scott, I am the founder of Mellow. I just wanted to take a moment to get on my soap box to share with you some of my own thoughts, feelings, and experiences with anxiety. I want to be completely transparent, in the hope that you can relate somewhat, or it helps you in some small way. I will be embracing the extreme anxiety that vulnerability creates! and I will share with you how anxiety has affected me throughout the years.

Childhood Journey with Anxiety

Let me start from the beginning. I was born the youngest of two children, and I was described by my late Mother as a 'nice surprise', meaning I was certainly not planned! When I was born I had some health issues, and I was labelled a TOF baby (issues with my insides being a wee bit jangled). I was a surprise, and a TOF survivor, a surprising TOF. Two years into my life I suffered an accident that damaged my hand, and my hand was never the same afterwards. I was an unplanned, damaged hand, TOF surviving child, and I always felt different to everybody else; but to everybody else I didn't seem different because my self-proclaimed defects' were not so obvious. I had my mask ready to put on, early into my childhood, so that my normality was never questioned. To childhood Scott my hand and past 'defects' seemed like a mountain that I could never climb or come to terms with. I would always look up at the mountain and know I would climb it someday, but the uncertainty as to how I would get there was crippling, and a breeding ground for anxiety. I was a very quiet and anxious child, I viewed the world as a minefield rather than an open plane to discover.

Perception Is Everything.

I learned early on that anxiety lives and breathes within uncertainty and insecurity. As I never shared my feelings of childhood inadequacy, I could never be certain how people would react if I removed my mask, and so the uncertainty became scarier than the actual problems that I thought I carried with me. It was the uncertainty and unknown that was my real fear; I thought I could lose my friends, be isolated or  be bullied. To be honest an overwhelming trifecta seemed to be the most likely outcome. It was my anxiety speaking, it was not me. Recognising the difference is something that only comes with time.

Anxiety and uncertainty will not listen to your demands, answer your questions, or provide any comfort. They just are what they are. Don't expect that to change, they will always exist, so you cannot be scared of them. Uncertainty and anxiety is the Ying to the peacefully secure and certain Yang, and you cannot have one without the other. Understanding that is half of the battle. You wouldn't know what peace of mind was if you had never experienced unease, both are necessary for the equilibrium of life. Life is a minefield, I was not wrong about this, but it is also an exciting plane to discover, it is up to you what lens you look through as to how you see the world. You have to be brave and step out either way, because the world around you will not change for you, you have to accept this. Be brave and the world will reward you for it, you have to take the leap of faith.

Learning to Let Go

As the years went by, I learned that I wasn't made of chocolate, and in fact I would not melt if somebody had a negative opinion of me. I learned to let go of the fear of uncertainty, I stopped trying to predict how things would happen and I stopped trying to preempt people's thoughts before they thought of them. To try and foresee the unknown, only trapped me within my own mind. The irony is that doing this made me feel lonely, which is what I was so desperate to avoid.

My family and friends loved me just how I was. From there I based my worth on those closest to me, rather than trying to be accepted by the whole world. Basing my worth on opinions that didn't yet exist was exhausting, and created the mountain that my childhood self could not see past. I chose to narrow my scope and change my lens to only see those who mattered. I let go of trying to alter pending judgements and although I certainly was not cured of anxiety, I had the strength to step out into the world with a brand new perspective and confidence.


Recognising that the world is as malleable to perception, changed my life forever. I learned that you can choose how you see the world, and what lens you choose to look through, you just have to make sure to look up at the stars instead of down into the gutter. If you cannot change something, then all you can do is change the way that you see it. The instinctive response can be to wallow in the comfort of self-deprecation, and believe that everything is against you, but I implore you to throw your sail into the wind, and stop fighting the tide. 

Thank you for taking the time to read my blog, I have really enjoyed writing this and being open about my battles with anxiety. The battles still rage on truth be told, but anxiety is now my necessary companion who reminds me of danger or past trauma, rather than a sounding alarm with a dodgy battery. That is how I choose to see anxiety nowadays, as a friend, rather than a foe. I will leave you with a quote very close to my heart from Reinhold Niebuhr, a theologian from the 20th Century.

 "Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference"

Reinhold Niebuhr


Thanks again.

Take care,





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